Before criticizing your wife’s faults, you must remember it may have been these very defects which prevented her from getting a better husband that the one she married. Before marriage, a man will lie awake thinking about something you said; after marriage, he’ll fall asleep before you finish saying it. (Helen Rowland) The best exercise for a good marriage is bending over backward. Compromise in marriage is an amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way. Courtship: Is like looking at the beautiful photos in a seed catalog. Marriage: Is what actually comes up in your garden. The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character. (Peter Devries) Don’t criticize your wife’s judgment, look who she married! A gentleman is a husband who steadies the stepladder so that his wife will not fall while she paints the ceiling. Getting a husband is like buying an old house. You don’t see it the way it is but the way it’s going to be when you get it remodeled. (Barbara Johnson) Husband for Sale: remote included! I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. First, let her think she’s having her own way. And second, let her have it. (Lyndon B. Johnson) I love you more today than yesterday -yesterday, you really got on my nerves! If it weren’t for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers. If you are losing an argument with your spouse, try a kiss. I’m the boss of the house and I have my wife’s permission to say so! It is only possible to live happily-ever-after on a day-to-day basis. (Margaret Bonnano) It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. (Rita Rudner) Just think, if it weren’t for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all. Keep your husband–he might come back in style! Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses. (Lord Dewar) Love is blind–but marriage opens your eyes. Love is the quest, marriage the conquest, divorce the inquest. Make love, not war–or get married and do both! Marriage is a continuous process of getting used to things you hadn’t expected. Marriage is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity. (G.B. Shaw) Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred. Marriages are not made in heaven–they come in kits and you have to put them together. My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her…or something like that. The perfect wife is one who doesn’t expect a perfect husband. A Shotgun wedding is a case of wife or death. Some people like to spend, others like to save. Unfortunately they tend to marry each other! Son: Is it true that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son. True love leads to housework. We’ve been through a lot together–and most of it was your fault!
Secrets of a Happy Marriage by Ogden Nash To keep your marriage brimming with love in the wedding cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.
A couple were discussing their wallpaper, which had just been hung. Don was annoyed at Debby’s indifference to what he felt was a poor job. “The problem is that I’m a perfectionist and you’re not,” he finally said to her. “Exactly!” she replied. “That’s why you married me and I married you!”
A well-known architect enjoyed putting on old clothes and working in his garden. Humming cheerfully as he trimmed the hedge one day, he was surprised to see a lady pull her car over to the curb near him. “What do you get for being the gardener here?” she asked. “Perhaps I can offer you more to come work for me.” “Oh, I don’t think so,” the architect replied. “The lady here lets me sleep with her.” For months Bill had been Lynn’s devoted admirer. At long last he had collected sufficient courage to ask her the momentous question. “There are quite a lot of advantages to being a bachelor,” Bill began, “but there comes a time when one longs for the companionship of another being, a being who will regard one as perfect, as an idol; whom one can treat as one’s absolute own; who will be kind and faithful when times are hard; who will share one’s joys and sorrows.” To his delight, Bill saw a sympathetic gleam in Lynn’s eyes. Then she nodded in agreement, “I think it’s a wonderful idea! Can I help you pick out a puppy?”